This is the copy of a letter that the Alzheimer Society is sending out.

My father is in the throes of an aggressive form of Alzheimer’s disease. This has been the toughest thing that our family has ever had to face.  My heart aches because I am literally watching this disease ravage my father’s mind and body. After all that this great man has done for me, there is nothing that I can do for him, but hold him, love him, and advocate for his dignified care.

My motivation to help the Alzheimer Society literally comes from a place of helplessness. I feel compelled to roll up my sleeves and do whatever it is that needs to be done, but that’s the tough thing about this disease. What could I do? Then I got to thinking, if there’s one thing that I can do and do well, it’s TALK. So here I am talking--telling my story so that others won’t be afraid to reach out for help.

I think that far too often the symptoms of dementia are like the elephant in the room that no one talks about. You may see changes in your behavior  or your loved one’s behavior, memory, abilities, and reasoning, but you convince yourself that nothing has changed. You tell yourself, maybe it’s an off day. Maybe it’s an off week. My experience with my father has taught me to push past that discomfort.

My parents live in Edmonton and because my career so often had me working away from home, I didn’t see the day to day struggles that my parents were facing. I visited often and enjoyed their company, but had I really paid attention to the changes in my dad, asked the difficult questions and urged my parents to seek help, maybe things would be different today. 

My parents tip toed around my father’s symptoms. Looking back, we believe his symptoms began somewhere around 2001, but they were ignored. My parents are from a very stoic generation and were raised to just “suck it up” and not ask for help, so they didn’t. In fact, they didn’t even talk about it with each other. They both knew something was not right, but neither of them would admit it to each other or themselves.

 My mom was frustrated because my dad who has always been very active and outgoing seemed to have lost his motivation and desire for social interaction. He would sit in the living room and watch re-runs of old TV shows and he stopped helping around the house. He would half finish tasks and this would get my mom very upset. My dad appeared to be withdrawn and depressed and my mom was feeling alone and frustrated. Their lack of communication put a strain on their marriage.

Four years ago, after moving closer to home, it became very clear that something was not right with my dad, so I called the doctor and set the wheels in motion, but I wish I would have known sooner. My dad could have been treated to help alleviate some of the symptoms while still in the early stages of the disease and even joined a support group. My mom would have benefited from information on the progression of the illness and learned what was going on with my dad. She could have joined a support group for caregivers and not felt so alone.

My dad’s symptoms snuck up on us over time. I wish we would have been paying closer attention to all those seemingly subtle changes. I recall a time when my family and I were organizing a big party that my father was aware of and dad said to me, “Can we get nametags for everybody?” I thought that was a great idea. It would be a great way for people to meet and greet. Looking back, I realize that my dad knew his memory was slipping and he was fearful that he wouldn’t remember the names of his dear friends and he was fearful that he would be found out.

I wish we would have found him out sooner.  My message to you is this—don’t hesitate. If you see some concerning symptoms in someone you love, don’t wait a day. Don’t wait until next week. If you sense something is wrong, it’s been wrong for a long time, so don’t hesitate for a second. Call your doctor. Call the Alzheimer Society. Get help.

Please join me in my plight to support the Alzheimer Society and consider making a donation today. Donations make it possible for the Alzheimer Society to help families like mine to cope with this disease and to carry on with their lives.  Donations also support research, with the hope that future generations will not have to face what my dad has gone through.